Santa Banta Ki Khub Pitai Huyi.
Par Q?.
Qki.
Dono B'Day Party Me Muft Ka Khana Khate Pakde Gye aur.
Kehne Lage:Hum Ladki Walo k Taraf Se Hai

Wife: aap Bahut Mote Ho gaye ho,
santa: Tum b To kitni Moti Ho gai Ho,
wife: mai to maa Banne wali hu,
Santa: Mai b to Baap banne wala hu.

Santa Se Puchha Ki-?Tum Next Janam Me Kya Ban na Pasand?Karoge?
Santa-? A Cockroach?.
Why?.
Bcoz Meri Wife Sirf Cockroach Se Hi Darti Hai.

Girls r 70%beauty Girls r 75%sweet Girls r 85%naughty Girls r 90%cute Girls r 100%lovely totally 70+75+85+90+100=Girls are pakka 420 Be care full.

I asked my heart-
Wat is d diff b/w lOve & friendship?
Heart replied,
my work is to supply blood-
Dont ask me out of syllabus..

10 gals under a small umbrella
But nobody gets wet...
HOW?...
cuz it was a SUNNY DAY!
Moral-dont think like A scientist

Obama 2 anna
How poor india is
anna: Beta tumhara pura desh jitna OIL khata he na utana to shanivar ko hm SHANIDEV ko chada dete hai

Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..
Why? Very simple…
A woman does not have a wife..!!!

Bhagat- Hey Bhagwan promotion karwa dena 51 rupees ka bhog aapke charanon mein rakh raha hoon
God: Pagal hai marwayega kya? Anna dekh raha hai

santa grlfrnd ko ghar le gya
sab darwaze,khirkiyan ,band kar di
light off kr k
uske pas aya or bola:
Dekho meri watch m light jalti hai??

Sir: Muhavre Ka Istemal Karo
"Muh Me Pani Aana".
Santa: Jaise Hi Maine Nal Ko Muh Laga K Nal Chalu Kiya,
Mere Muh Mai Pani Aa Gaya.

Message from mobile operators
in year 2020!
Dear customer,
Your wife can become a mother
without your struggle Just sms
"CHILD" to 54826

Most STUPID questions people usually ask in obvious situation.

1. At movies: hey! Wt r u doing here?

Me: I sell tickets in black here. Don't u know?
...
2. In bus:A fat lady steps on my feet: Sorry did that hurt?

Me: No not at all. I'm on local anesthesia . y don u try again?:O

3. When i got woken up at midnight by a call: sorry! Were u sleeping?

Me: Na! I was doing research on whether monkeys in Africa marry or not. U thought i was sleeping,u stupid fool?

4. when they c me with shorter hair: hey Have u had a haircut?

Me: Nah! Its autumn. my hairs shedding.!

5. When sm1 call on land-line n asks where r u?

Me: M in market with telephone around my neck

Riste tod deti hai GF
Insan ko Tanha kar deti hai GF
Na Aane Dena Dil ke paas kabhi inko
Qki dil se dhadkano ko juda kar deti hai GF
GF bole to Galat Fehmi

Friend 1: What's Your

Internet Speed.. ??

.

Friend 2: 100 Mbps &

What's Your's.. ??

.

Friend 1: 100 Rbps..!!

.

Friend 2: What Is Rbps.. ??

.

Friend 1: Rajini Bytes

Per Seconds..!!! ;-) :-P :D 

BIMAARI In Bollywood Style :

1. Jiya Jale jaan jale, Raat bhar dhuan chale : FEVER

2. Tarap tarap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi : HEART ATTACK

3. Juda hoke bhi tu mujh main kahin baki hai: CONSTIPATION

4. Birri jalaiye jigar se piya jigar maa barri aag hai: ACIDITY

5. Tujh main rab dikhta hai yaara main kya karun: CATARACT

6. Tujhe yaad na meri aayi kisise ab kya kehena: ALZEIMERS

7. Man dole mera tan dole: VERTIGO ;-) :-P :D 

Fakeerni:

Babuji 1 Rupya de de 3 din se bhuki hu,

Babuji:

3 din se bhuki hain to 1 Rupye ka kiya karegi?

Fakeerni:

weight dekhungi kitna kam hua:

RANJHA HEER sE:MaIn TuMhArE PyAr MaIn RuSwA HoGaYa, BArBaAd HoGaYa...!!!
HEER:Haan ToH MaiN KaUnsA DoCtoR yA EnGiNeEr BaNgAyI KaMiNeY

The First BEER of every Man's life was not bought by his own MONEY...
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Some Idiot would have said, "Pee Sale, kuch nahi hoga.." ;) xD

 LarKi kO deKh K aRz kiA...

TeRi sMilE mE kIa cHAmAk hAi...

TeRi sMilE mE kIa cHAmAk hAi...

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LarKi sMile kR k bOli bHaiYa mErE toOtHpAsTe mEin nAmaK hAi.... :D :p

Corruption has spread to every corner of INDIA.
Even the Computer says…
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Some Files are Corrupted..

Full Form of Banks
HSBC- Hum Sabase Bade Chor.
HDFC- Har Dum Fakir Chand.
IDBI- Itna Dhan Bina Income.
SBI- Sare Bhikari Idhar.
PNB- Paisa Nahi Hi Bhai.

,:*"*:,
*,%,*
__)(__
Ye Dosti ka ped hai
Ise Sambhal kar rakhana
Kahin ye sukh Na Jaye
Isliye Apane Computer/Mobile me
pani daal ke rakhana
Haso mat Pani Dalo :-))

BREAKING NEWS:
Two suicide bombing attack in hell...
50 devils were killed..
Oevr 200 devils injured....

Prime suspect:
Osama bin laden

People
update status via
blackberry , iphone, ipad,etc.
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Rajnikant Updates status via his
Calculator .. . :) ;D

Santa Ki Patni - Raat Ko Mobile Charging Me kyo laga rahe ho, Blast Ho skta he..
Santa - Tu tension na le, maine Battery Nikal Di Hai.

Santa apni biwi ko maar raha tha..
ek admi ne pucha kyu maar rahe ho ??

Santa : Docter ne kaha hai, isko dawai koot ke deni hai.

Boy sent d 1 expensive bird dat could speak 40 languags as bday gift 2 his GF.
Nxt day he askd abt d gift.
BF:hwz d bird?
GF:Very Tasty.

New 1 by gals:
Bread ke liye jaise sauce hota h vaise hr boy frnd jaruri hota h.
koi phne mein hmare balnc dalwaye._
koi naya naya phne dilaye.
ek tujhe branded kpde dilaye or ek tujhe dominoz mein piza khilaye.
koi luks main hero to koi ghost hota hai per har boyfrnd jaruri hota hai.
koi darlng koi dear koi sweetheart.
jaanu vanu,baby shaby every1 hrami
 sb yaad krke tym pas bada mast hota hai pr har boyfrnd jaruri hota hai.
Har boyfrnd jaruri hai..

Boy-Cinema chale
Girl-waha tum muje touch kroge ?
Boy-No
G-Mera hath pkdoge
B-No,
G-Mujhe kis karoge,
B-No
G-To apni behen k sath chale jao

Dad writes on sons facebook wall:
"Dear son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you alot. please!!! TURNOFF THE COMPUTER AND COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!

Santa's Father brought a NEW SIM CARD..

Santa saved that Number in his Mobile Phone as,

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"New Father" ;-) :-P :D 

3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.

So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.

Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "

Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."

Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?"

Medical alert about a highly dangerous virus called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK). 

If you come in contact with this WORK VIRUS, you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) centre to take antidotes known as 

"Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE), 
"Radioactive UnWORK Medicine"(RUM), 
"Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter"(BEER), 
"Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen"(VODKA). 

Choice is yours!

Students life and their Moments Most irritating moment: Morning alarms Most dreadful journey: Way to class :( Most lovely time: Meeting friends! Most tragic news: Test in 1st period Most wonderful news: Teacher is absent ;) Most relaxing area: BACK BENCHERS :-) Most funny moment: Teacher cracks a joke and nobody laughs..

Santa revisits d doctor... 

Doctor: Dawai pee li thi nahi? 
Santa: Nahi doctor sahab dawai to hari thi. 

Doctor- mera matlab hai dawai le li thi na? 
Santa- ha doctor sahab apne di, to maine le li thi. 

Doctor- are yar dawai ki sheshi kha li thi na? 
Patient- nahi doctor sheshi to bhari hui thi. 

Doctor- abe gadhe dawai ko pee liya tha na? 
Patnt- are dr sahab peeliya (juandice) to mu jhe tha! 

‎"DIMAG HAI TO MSG SIRF 1 BAAR PADH K JAWAB DENA

1
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3
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2
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8
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5
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8
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6
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14
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4
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5
HAA TO SAWAAL YE HAI KI,
"LASSI" KO ENGLISH ME KYA KEHTE HE.? : P:P

Teacher asks johny : if dere wer 5 birds on a tree n u shot 1, hw many r left?

Johny: none, as others vil fly away

Teacher: d answer is 4 but i lyk d way u think

...
Johny: i hv a questn madam, if 3 women r eating cone ice-cream. 1 eating, 1 biting n 1 sucking. whch 1 is married?

Teachr in sweat n nervousnes s: well, d 1 sucking d cone

johny: no, d 1 wd wedding ring on her finger. bt i lyk d way u think madam :) :)

COLEGGE LIFE vs ENGLISH MOVIES:
Principal- KINGKONG
Teacher- BLADE
Lab- PLANET OF APES
Library- CHAMBER OF SECRETS

Canteen- FEELS LIKE HEAVEN
coleg Gate- AT THE WORLD'S END
Love- TITANIC
Syllabus- DEEP BLUE SEA
Model exams- STAR WARS
Internals- PRESTIGE
university Exam- WAR OF WORLDS
Invigilator- TERMINATOR
Result- JUDGEMENT DAY
Supply- DESTINY
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'ALL PASS'- MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

If Anna was married, toh yeh aandolan kabhi na hota kyonki...

1. Kahan ja rahe ho?

2. Akele tumhi ko padi hai anshan mein jane ki? 

3. Yeh Kejariwal ka saath chhodo! 

4. Woh boycut baal wali ladki kaun hai? Baar baar bagal mein akar baith jati hai. 

5. Shaam tak aa jaoge na? 

6. Pahunchte hi phone karna! 

7. RamLeela Ground se lautne par ek kilo Papita lete aana, aur raste mein ATM se paise nikal kar lana. Bhoolna nahin! 

(Peeche se)- Paise lana mat bhoolna!

AFTER ENGAGEMENT:

SHE: I waited so long for this.

HE: Do U want me to leave? 

SHE: No. never! 

HE: Do U love me? 

SHE: Yes I did, I'm doing & I'll do. 

HE: Did you ever cheat me? 

SHE: I would rather die than to do it. 

HE: Will you kiss me? 

SHE: Surely, it's my pleasure. 

HE: Will you hurt me? 

SHE: No way, I'm not such a kind of person. 

HE: Can I trust you? 

SHE: Yes. 

HE: Oh, Darling! 

To know AFTER WEDDING: 

>>Read from bottom to top<<

There are basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS...

1. HARD DISK Girls:
Remember everything forever.

2. RAM Girls: 
Forgets about you the moment you turn her off. 

3. SCREEN SAVER Girls: 
Just for looking. 

4. INTERNET Girls: 
Difficult to access. 

5. SERVER Girls: 
Always busy when needed. 

6. MULTIMEDIA Girls: 
Makes horrible things looks beautiful. 

7. VIRUS Girls : 
These type of girls are normally called 'WIFE' 
once enters in your system don't leave even after format.

Sonia gandhi 1 school visit krne gyi 1 class me a kar boli bachcho koi sawal puchna hai to pucho.

Papu bola mere 3 sawal hai

1) Aap khud prime minister Q nahi bani 

2) Ramleela maidan me police kisne bheji 
3) Apka kitna paisa Swiss bank me hai. 

Isse pehle ki Sonia ji jawab deti half time ke bell ho gayi. 

After half time 

Bablu khadha hokar bola Mam mere 5 sawal hai.. 
3 to Pappu wale hai 

4) Half time ki bell 20min phle kaise baji? 
Or akhiri sawal 
? 
Q5=Pappu kaha hai?

Patni- Apki Blue Shirt Mujh Se Jal
Gai

Pati- Mere Pas Waisi 1 Aur Shrt
Hai

Ptni- Pata Hai, Mene Usme Se
Kapda Kat K Pehle Wale Me Laga
Dia

Chintu: Mere Ghar Me 2 Dogs Hai
Billu: Hum Bahut Garib Hai, Hamare Paas Kutta Nahi Hai. Chor Aata Hi 2 Hm Me Se Hi Kisi Ko Bhaunkana Padata H

Chintu: Chalo Nadi Me Nahate Hai. Bittu: Nahi Agar Nadi Me Doob Gaye To Papa Bahut Pitenge

Chintu: Agar Tumhare Bistar Par Dinosaur Aa Jaye To Tum Kya Karoge?
Mintu: Mai Kahi Aur Sone Chala Jaunga

Chintu- Tumne Butter Ko Khidki Se Kyo Fenk Diya? Bantu- Mai Butterfly Dekhna Chahta Tha

Bittu: Tomy Kutte Ne Meri Kitabe Kha Li. Maa: Mai Use Saja Deti Hu. Bittu: Saja Maine De Di, Me Uske Katori Ka Dudh Pee Gaya

Bittu:Ghar Ke Sare Khilaune Chhupa Do,Mere Dost Aa Rahe Hai.Maa:Kyo,Dost Chura Lenge Bittu:Nahi,Apne Khilaune Pehchan Lenge

Bittu Ki Mummy Se Padosan: Janti Ho, Kuch Log Mujhe Meri Beti Ki Saheli Maan Lete Hai. Bittu: Aunty Kya Apki Bti Abhi Se Apki Umra Ki Lagti Hai?

Billu: Yah Ravan Kaun Tha?
 Papa: Are Tum School Jate Ho Fir Bhi Nahi Jante, Jao Mahabharat Dekhkar Pata Karo

Billu: Papa Kya Aap Kabhi Egypt Gaye Hai?
Papa: Nahi, Lekin Tum Kyo Puchh Rahe Ho?
Billu: Fir Aap Ye Mummy Kahan Se Laye?

Bhikhari: Ek Rupaye Ka Sawal Hai Bachcha?
Chintu:Ganit Ke Master Sahab Bagal Me Hain, Unhi Se Poochh Lo

Bhanja: Mujhe 200 Ru De Do. 
Mama: Tujhe Rupaye Ki Nahi Akl Ki Zarurat Hai. 
Bhanja: Apse Wahi Cheez Mangunga Jo Apke Paas Hai

Banty: Mummy Kal Raat Ko Fir Maine Bathroom Ka Darwaja Khola To Light Apne Aap Jal Gaye. 
Mummy: Tune Fir Fridge Me Susu Ki?

Tinku:Mujhe Bank Wali Aunty Ka Naam Pata Chal Gaya. 
Maa: Kya Hai? 
Tinku: Unki Table Par Name Plate Par Likha Tha, Chalu Khata

Teacher: Usko Kya Kahenge Jo Dhyaan Na Dene Par Bhi Bolta Rehta Hai? 
Raju: Use Teacher Kehte Hai

Teacher: Tumhara Janm Kaha Hua Hai?
Bittu: Thiruvananthapuram.
Teacher: Spelling Batao.
Bittu: Shayad Mera Janm Goa Me Hua Hai

Girl :- Koun Ho Tum ?
Boy :- Hasrat Tumhari..

Girl :- Dekhte Kya Ho ?
Boy :- Surat Tumhari..

Girl :- Karte Kya Ho ?
Boy :- Pooja Tumhari..

Girl :- Kafir Ho Kya ?
Boy :- Jo Bhi Samjho..

Girl :- Chahte Kya Ho ?
Boy :- Mohabbat Tumhari..

Girl :- Pachtayoge Tum ?
Boy :- Kismat Humari..

Girl :- Shadi Shuda Hu Mein ?
Boy :- Pahle Bata Deti Manhus Naari... :@ :P

‎1 pathan ne General Knowledge ka Question Paper banaaya, sab bachay fail, paper kuch yun tha
.
Q.1= CHina kis Mulk mae hai?
.
Q.2= 14th August kis Date ko ata hai?

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Q.3= Green rang kis colour ka hota hai?
.
Q.4= Timatar ko Urdu mae kiya boltay hain?
.
Q.5= Quaid-e-Azam ki Qabar mae kaun dafan hai...?? :p:p

Husband Apni Wife Ka Janazaa Lekar Ja Raha Tha...
.
Janaaze Ke Aage Kutta Aur Peeche Aadmiyon Ki Lambi Line Thi....
.
Ek Aadmi Aakar Poochta Hai...

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Bhai Saahab Ye Kaise Hua..??
.
Husband - Is Kutte Ne Kaat Liya Aur Meri Biwi Marr Gayee...
.
Aadmi - Ye Kutta Ek Din Ke Liye Mujhe De Do...
.
Husband - Peeche Line Me Lag Jao...! [:D] [>:D<] [;)]

Very Interesting naming of our Indian States........... Incredible India

Large state: maha rastra

Place of king: raja sthan 

Queen field: rani khet 

Mr. city: sri ngr 

Rhythm of eyes: nani taal 

Face: surat 

Unmarried gal: kanya kumri 

God's state: hari dwar 

Brick city: ita ngr 

Saint hair: rishi kesh 

Call end: kol kata 

No zip: chen nai 

Come on sun: arun aa chal 

Cum in evning: aa saam 

Go n come: go a 

and finally do drama: kar natak