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Saturday, 31 December 2011
Friday, 30 December 2011
Saturday, 3 December 2011
Dost beer pee rahe the,ki table pe rakha mobile baja.
boy:hello
gf:janu i m in market kya mai 50000 rs ka gold set le lu?
boy :ha janu lelo
gf: silk suit bhi, jo 5500rs ki hai?
boy:1 nahi ,2,4 lelo
gf: :Ook dear tumhara credit card mere pass hai, usi se le rahi hu
boy:ha theek hai
sare dost:tu pagal hai ya tuje chad gayi hai ya tu hume batana chahta hai k tu gf ko kitna chahta he.
boy: wo sab chodo pehle ye batao k ye mobile kiska hai
her ek frnd kamina hota hai... :D
Friday, 2 December 2011
Thursday, 1 December 2011
Smartness VS Intelligence
Einstein and Banta are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
Einstein says, "Let's play a game. I will ask you a
question. If you don't know the answer, you pay
me only $ 5 and if I don't know the answer, I will
pay you $500."
Einstein asks the first question: What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?
Banta doesn't say a word, reaches his pocket and pulls out a $ 5.
Now, it's Banta's turn.
He asks Einstein, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs?"
Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends.
After an hour, he gives Banta $500.
Einstein going nuts and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
Banta reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $ 5. :P :D
A wife hit Her husband with frying pan
.
.
husband-what was that for??
.
.
wife-i found a paper in your pocket,
with the name jenny on it!!!
.
.
.
husband -i played a race last week and jenny was
the name of my horse!!! wife-huh----- m sorry!!!!
.
.
.
next day.
wife again hit him wit the frying pan!! .
..
.
husband-why??????
.
wife-your horse is on the phone. :P
Wednesday, 30 November 2011
Smart bikhari
Ek bikhari ko kisi bde aadmi ne Rs100 bhik me diye,
bikhari fir 5 star hotel me lunch krne chla gya,
usne chicken k saath beer pee aur khana khaya,
bill Rs3000 ka ban gya,pr bikhari k pass Rs100 the
wo bill na bhar ska to hotel walon ne use police ko pkda diya,
usne police wale ko Rs100 diye aur chuut gya...
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
Monday, 28 November 2011
Sunday, 27 November 2011
Saturday, 26 November 2011
Friday, 25 November 2011
She: Hi Baby ^.^
Him: Hi My lovely .. (Sending fails)
She: Are u here?
Him: Yes Yes im here (sendingfa ils)
...
She: Are u ignoring me or what!!!
Him: Honey im not... Im right here... / / (Sending
fails)
She: It s over; dont u ever talk to me again!
Him : Damn ! Go to hell :@>-<! (Message sent :P ;D :\
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
A Girl calls the Help Desk to complain a computer problem.
Girl: When I type computer password, it just shows star star star star. Whatz the joke?
...
Help Desk: Dear Mam, those stars are to protect you, so that if a person standing behind u, they can't read your password.
Girl: Yeah, but stars appear even when there is no one standing behind me.
Monday, 21 November 2011
Sunday, 20 November 2011
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Fees mafi k liye Application;
To,
The Principal
High School
Sir,
Baat ye hai k mere papa ne mujhe fees k liye 500 diye the.
100 ki doston k sath film daikh li... 150 ki botles or smosay kha liye...
50 ka GIRLFRIEND ko Easy recharge diya.... 200 Ka ENGLISH wali teacher py shrt lga di... Main smjhta tha k unka chkar sirf math's wali Sir k sath hai... Par Unka CHAKAR AAp k Sath b aiy...
Ab AAP k pass 2 hi Raste hain
1= meri fees maaf kr do
ya
2=mein aap ka raz fash kr don
your obedintly Student
PAPU :ppppp
Friday, 18 November 2011
Unknown call..
He: do u have a boyfriend?
She: yes, who are u?
He: I'm your brother ! Just wait till i come home!!/:):D=D
Another unknown call
He : do u have a boyfriend ?
She : no no I don't
He : what ? :O I'm ur boyfriend , u just break my heart
She : no no no darling I'm sorry I though u r my brother
He : =D right ! I'm ur brother Just wait till I come home , i'll show u later .....
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
CAUTION,Jokes Ahead:-):-)
A little boy wanted Rs500, so he prayed 4 weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided 2 write a letter 2 God requesting Rs500.
... When post office staff received a letter addressed 2 God, they forwarded it 2 the President.
President was so amused, she instructed her secretary 2 send the little boy Rs 500.
As she thought Rs500 would be a lot of money for him she sended Rs 200.
The little boy was delighted wit Rs200 & decided 2 write a thank u note 2 God.
'Dear God, Thank u very much 4 sending d money. However,
I noticed dat u ev sent it through 'Rashtrapati Bhavan' & those corrupt donkeys ate my 300 rupees! :/ :P
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
Monday, 14 November 2011
A few things american movies taught their kids-
1 Chinese have nothing better to do than teach or practice kung fu.
2. More than 50% of the US Population are FBI/CIA agents mayba working undercover .
3. if a man has survived a mishap with a lady. then he is entitled to a kiss, no matter if he meet the lady only that day.
4. The purpose of school system in USA is to promote basketball
5. aliens have a special interest in attacking US!! :P :D
Most'First Class'students get technical seats, some become Doctors and some Engineers.
* The'Second Class'pass, and then get MBA, become Administra tors and control the'First Class'.
* The'Third Class'pass, enter politics and
Become Ministers and control both.
* Last, but not the least,
The'Failures' join the underworld and
control all the above.
And those who do not attend any school, become Swamis and Gurus
and everyone goes to them. :P :D
Sunday, 13 November 2011
Saturday, 12 November 2011
Friday, 11 November 2011
Thursday, 10 November 2011
Today's Students
We go to school, to attend "CLASS" .
C.L.A.S.S. = Come Late And Sleep Silently.
At home, we have to "STUDY".
S.T.U.D.Y. = Sleep, TV, Unlimited-sms, Dost, Youtube.
In class, we're given "HOMEWORK."
H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K = Half Of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge.
While doing homework, we refer to "TEXTBOOK".
TEXTBOOK = TEXTing + faceBOOK
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
Tuesday, 8 November 2011
Monday, 7 November 2011
Sunday, 6 November 2011
If animals have Facebook, these are most likely to be their Status Updates:
Cockroach: Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle! :P
Cat: My 7th child is asking who is her dad..what shall I tell her??, I don’t even remember :D
...
Mosquito: I am HIV positive this is all due to wrong sucking !!! :/
Chicken: If tomorrow I am not updating my status, means I am being served at KFC. Love you all ?
Octopus: I have just refilled my ink..horray!! ^_^
Pig: Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu…WTF!! :X
Goat : Friends, don’t go out, Eid holiday is coming :'(
Pig writes a comment on Goat’s status: "Luckily I am haram" |4 likes (Y)|
Goat replies: "Don’t you remember that after Eid is the Chinese new year..?
Saturday, 5 November 2011
Teacher was teaching Mahabharat a to 6th std students.. .
Teacher:- Kans heard Devaki's 8th son would kill him...So he put Devaki&Vasudev in prison. 1st child was born...Kan s killed him by poison. 2nd...Kans killed by sword....3 rd was born...
(At this point, a boy raised his hand for a doubt)
The teacher asked :- What?
The boy said :-If Kans knew that the 8th son would kill him......t hen why did he put Devaki&Vasudev in SAME jail??????
Teacher fainted!!! !!:p:p:p
Friday, 4 November 2011
Husband : My love Why are you looking so much pink
Wife: When your lovely words touch the bundle branches of the circulatio n system of my heart.
It starts beating faster, because, increased output transmitte d to adrenals which start secreting glucagon.
To increase blood glucose level and combat this emergency, also increase pituitary output to increase blood estrogen level, caused by vasodilati on and I LOOK PINK
MORAL: Never marry a DOCTOR She'll spoil your love
********** **********
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Monday, 31 October 2011
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Saturday, 29 October 2011
Friday, 28 October 2011
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
Love Story
Wo boht haseen thi mujhe boht pyari lagti thi, Last friday main us k ghar gaya wo darwazay pr aai
Main usay daikh raha tha
Us nay bhi mujhay daikha, wo qarib aai to mainay himat ki Or aahista se kaha CHANDA
Wo muskurai main khush ho ghaya.
Wo andr gai aur Phir wapis aai. us ne 100 rupay meray hath pe rakh diye,
Mainay herat se pucha Ye kya?
Wo boli , Chanda.
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Laloo sent his BioData 2 apply 4 a post in Microsoft USA. Few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements.
Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates
Laloo prasad jumped wid joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference-
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogi ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayi hai."
Every1 was delighted. He continued"Ab hum aap sab ko apna appointment Letter padhkar sunaungaa ? par letter angrezi mein hai isliye saath-saath Hindi main translate bhi karunga."
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad - Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiya
You do not meet - Aap to milte hi nahin ho
our requirement - Humko to zarurat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence - Ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zarurat nahin
No phone call - Phoonwa ka bhi zarurat nahin hai
shall be entertained - Bahut khaatir ki jayegi
Thanks - Aapka bahut dhanyavad
Bill Gates - Tohar Bilva
Monday, 24 October 2011
Sunday, 23 October 2011
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Friday, 21 October 2011
Thursday, 20 October 2011
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
Monday, 17 October 2011
A girl was crying bitterly.
Mom: What happened dear?
Daughter: Mom do i look like a wicked witch?
...
Mom: No!
Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad?
Mom: No!
Daughter: Is my nose flat?
Mom: No baby!
Daughter: Am i fat like a bulldog?
Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a barbie doll!
Daughter: Then why people tell me that you look like your mom
Mom: What happened dear?
Daughter: Mom do i look like a wicked witch?
...
Mom: No!
Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad?
Mom: No!
Daughter: Is my nose flat?
Mom: No baby!
Daughter: Am i fat like a bulldog?
Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a barbie doll!
Daughter: Then why people tell me that you look like your mom
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Saturday, 15 October 2011
Friday, 14 October 2011
Thursday, 13 October 2011
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
Monday, 10 October 2011
Sunday, 9 October 2011
Saturday, 8 October 2011
Friday, 7 October 2011
Thursday, 6 October 2011
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Monday, 3 October 2011
Sunday, 2 October 2011
Saturday, 1 October 2011
Friday, 30 September 2011
Thursday, 29 September 2011
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
Most STUPID questions people usually ask in obvious situation.
1. At movies: hey! Wt r u doing here?
Me: I sell tickets in black here. Don't u know?
...
2. In bus:A fat lady steps on my feet: Sorry did that hurt?
Me: No not at all. I'm on local anesthesia . y don u try again?:O
3. When i got woken up at midnight by a call: sorry! Were u sleeping?
Me: Na! I was doing research on whether monkeys in Africa marry or not. U thought i was sleeping,u stupid fool?
4. when they c me with shorter hair: hey Have u had a haircut?
Me: Nah! Its autumn. my hairs shedding.!
5. When sm1 call on land-line n asks where r u?
Me: M in market with telephone around my neck
1. At movies: hey! Wt r u doing here?
Me: I sell tickets in black here. Don't u know?
...
2. In bus:A fat lady steps on my feet: Sorry did that hurt?
Me: No not at all. I'm on local anesthesia . y don u try again?:O
3. When i got woken up at midnight by a call: sorry! Were u sleeping?
Me: Na! I was doing research on whether monkeys in Africa marry or not. U thought i was sleeping,u stupid fool?
4. when they c me with shorter hair: hey Have u had a haircut?
Me: Nah! Its autumn. my hairs shedding.!
5. When sm1 call on land-line n asks where r u?
Me: M in market with telephone around my neck
Monday, 26 September 2011
BIMAARI In Bollywood Style :
1. Jiya Jale jaan jale, Raat bhar dhuan chale : FEVER
2. Tarap tarap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi : HEART ATTACK
3. Juda hoke bhi tu mujh main kahin baki hai: CONSTIPATION
4. Birri jalaiye jigar se piya jigar maa barri aag hai: ACIDITY
5. Tujh main rab dikhta hai yaara main kya karun: CATARACT
6. Tujhe yaad na meri aayi kisise ab kya kehena: ALZEIMERS
7. Man dole mera tan dole: VERTIGO ;-) :-P :D
1. Jiya Jale jaan jale, Raat bhar dhuan chale : FEVER
2. Tarap tarap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi : HEART ATTACK
3. Juda hoke bhi tu mujh main kahin baki hai: CONSTIPATION
4. Birri jalaiye jigar se piya jigar maa barri aag hai: ACIDITY
5. Tujh main rab dikhta hai yaara main kya karun: CATARACT
6. Tujhe yaad na meri aayi kisise ab kya kehena: ALZEIMERS
7. Man dole mera tan dole: VERTIGO ;-) :-P :D
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