Girl is falling asleep in class.!!

Teacher : wake up

.

Girl : huh

.

Teacher: go on the board and write the last thing I just said

.

Girl : yes sir

.

Girl goes up on the board and write " go on the board and write the last thing I just said" :P :D \m/

Latest News !!!
.
Rajnikant killed 8 terrorist in Pakistan.....!!
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.
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"Via bluethooth" :P ;D :))

A Doctor and an Engineer love the same girl.

The Doctor gives the girl rose everyday . . .

while the Engineer gives an apple to the girl everyday . . .
...
Doctor confused and ask the engineer : WHy ?

Engineer : An apple a day, keeps the Doctor away ! :D

Miss: Aaj tum late kion aye ho? School 7am,
start hota hay,
itni dair kion ki?
.
.
... .
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.
.
.
.
.
.
Kid: Miss ap meri itni fikar mat kia karain,
log shak karty hain... ;) :D

? "Kids Love Letter" ?

Dear Pinky,

Love letter Bhejne ka karan hai ki mujhe tu boht pasand hai

Tu bhi hamesha meri taraf dekhti rehti hai, Isliye mujhe laga ki me bhi tujhe pasand hun..tu MATHS paper me meri help karna.

Aur Tu red ribon mat lagaya kar ,kyuki tere piche wali ladki us par ink lagati hai, isliye mujhe boht gussa ata hai

Wo mere pados me rehti hai,ink ka badla lene k liye me uske ghar ki bell baja kar bhag jata hun

Aur Tu fair & lovly lagaya kar, aur gori dekhegi. Tere pas wali Guddi na tujhse bhi gori hai lekin mujhe tu pasand hai ,kyuki wo mere pen churati hai

Letter pe agar gussa aye to mujhe wapis de dena, lekin sir ko mat dena.

Tumhara Cheeku :P:D

Bandar Ki Beti-Papa Mujhe Bhi Shaadi Karni Hai.

Bandar-Beti Sabra Karo,
Dulha Abhi Status Padh Raha Hai,
Padh Ke Muskraye To Samjho Rista Pakka..!

National Sister - Mayawati

.

National Statue - Mayawati

.

National GirlFriend - Deepika Padukone

.

National Tension - Salman Khan Marriage

.

National Child - Parthiv Patel

.

National Salesman : Sharukh Khan

.

National Dehshat : Sequel Of Ra One

.

National Food : Kasam

.

National Soft Spoken : Dolly Bindra

.

National Struggler : Abhishek Bacchhan

.

National Khel : Ludo

.

National JUdge : Archana Puran Singh

.

National Wait : 100th Ton Of Sachin

.

National Robot : Manmohan Singh

.

National Expression : L O L =P \m/ :D

I was in a taxi when the taxi driver said :

"I love this job.

I'm my own Boss and Nobody tells me what to do."

.

Then i replied him :
.
.
.
.

TAKE RIGHT FROM ABOVE..!! ;) x) :P :D

Really Girls are very smart... :-P

Girl- Apple ka Rate kya hai?

Applewala- 100 Rs ke 10

Girl- kuch kam karo na plz..
.
.
.
.
Applwala-Acha aap 80 ke 8 lelo.. .
.
.
Girl-Thank.. ye hui na Baat.! Dedo...! :-D

Fees maafi ke liye application:-

To,
The Principal,
High school,

Sir,
Baat ye hui ki mere dad ne mujhe fees k liye Rs.500 diye the.
100 ki film dekhe,
200 ka girlfriend ka recharge karva diya,
200 science wali mam pr shart haar gya.
Main samajta tha ke unka sirf Maths wale sir ke sath chakkar hai,
par unka to aapke sath bhi chakkar nikla..........,!!!
Ab aapke pass 2 hi raste hain meri fees maaf ya aapka pardaafaashhh....!!
Thanx

Principle: Late Q Hue
Boy: Bike Khrab Ho Gai Thi
Prciple: Bus Me Nhi Aa Skte The
Boy: Maine Kaha Tha SIR
Pr Apki Beti k Nakhre Khtm Ho Tab Na...

Happy Republic Day

Boy- "I am in love with u ,the minute I saw u !"
Will u marry me?
Girl- Aaee hindi bolo humka tumhar bhasha nahi aawat hai........
Boy- Kuch nahi didi Barsat ho rahi hai............

Wife: Jab tum DESI pite ho mujhe PARO kehete ho, jab Whisky pite ho toh DARLING kehete ho. Aaj kya piya hai jo CHUDEL keh rahe ho.
Husband: Aaj main hosh main hu.

Ramesh-Suresh =>

Ramesh: "Bro.. can I use your phone to call my girlfriend?"

Suresh: "Yeah sure,
.
.
.
Just hit redial."

Police wale ne carwale ko roka-
"yeh
suraksha week hai. Aap seatbelt Laga
kar car chala rahe hain, isliye
aapko Rs 5,000
ka inaam
dia jata hai. aap is inaam ka kya
karoge???"
... ...
car driver- "mein iss inaam
se apna driving
license banwaunga"
pichli seat par baithi uski maa
boli- "iski bat ka
yakin mat karo Sahab,
ye sharab pi kr kuch b bolta hai.!!!!!"
fir uske papa bole- "muje pata tha ki
chori ki car
me
hm zyada dur nhi ja payenge!!!."
Tabhi dikki se awaz aati hai-
"bhai hmne border par kar lia kya..?????

Small Love Story: ................

He Proposed.......
She Smiled!|||||
No Teeth!!!!!!!!!!!!
He Died :D@@@2

EK bacha maths teacher ko phone lagata hai...
Teacher's wife : wo 2 din pahle mar gaye
Next day, bacha fir call karta h
wife : mene kaha na wo mar gaye h
bacha agle din fir call karta h
wife : kitni bar kaha wo mar gaye h, bar bar call kyu laga rahe ho
Child : sun ke acha lgta hai.;-)

Most people have 5 senses.
Some people have 6 senses.
But u r blessed with 7 senses.

An extra sense is NON SENSE.

Aek jagha par koi mar gaya tha aur log usee ghere hue theye.
Santa- Aree hatgao yeh mera bap hai.
Log uspe hasne lagte hai.
Banta-Aree yeh toh kutta mara hua hai.....:P

Plz help me,
its urgent.
Ek accident ho gaya hai.
.
.
.
.
.
Aap ka hi blood group chahiye,
Plz mana mat karna
.
.
Warna
.
.
GADHA mar jayega

In Exam Hall Boy Askd To A Girl:

'Mjhe Bs Is Answr Ki Starting Bta Do
Baki Mai Likh Lunga.'
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Lrki Ne Dhyan Se Idhr Udhr Dekha,
Phir Dheere Se Boli:

'The....

Amitabh - aakhri sawal 1 crore ka, what is your father's name .
Sardar- hans ke, option to diya hi nhi. Hi hi hi

1 ladke ne 1 ladki ko dekh kar arz
kiya-'Teri smile me kya chamk hai'
woh muskura k boli'...

..

..

..

..

Bhaiya mere
TOOTHPASTE ME NAMAK HAI'...!!

Girlfriend setting password
for her laptop with
boyfriend sitting beside
her…

She types “BRAIN” as
password.

Boyfriend fell down of his
char , laughing
Bcoz

Laptop replied:
“TOO SMALL....!!”

Ek ladka apni grl frnd ko le kar ghumne jata hai,
.
.
.
aur boht tez barish ho rahi hoti hai.
... ... .
.
.
Socho boht tez barish ladka ladki akele socho kya hota hai
socho
.
.
.
.
socho
.
Nhi pata
.
.
.
.
ladki ka makeup utar jata hai or ladka dar k bhaag jata hai....

Aek bachaa skool se apne ghar aya.
Boy-papa
Father-kya hua?
Boy-hum jald hi amir hone wale hai.
Father-kaise?
Boy-kyuki teacher ne mujhe paise ko rupya mein convert karne sikha diya hai. :):>:]:}

A Man Knocks at the Door.

A 10 yr Old Boy comes with Cigarette in One Hand & Beer in Other.

Man: Beta Papa Ghar Pe Hain?

Boy: Bhootni K,

Mujhe Dekh k Lag Raha Hai Kya?

Boy(romanticly):
I wanna Tel u sumthing

Girl:
Its not Gud 2 Talk while Eating...

(After Eating)

Girl:Now Tell me

Boy:
There was a CoCkroaCh in ur fOOd
Aur banle Heroine...=D =))

‎3 ldkon ne daru p k 1 taxi roki..
Taxi driver ne gadi start kri or fir band kr di..
Bola lo saab hm pahuch gye..
1st ne use paise de diye..
2nd bola thank u or
3rd ne 1 thapad diya!
Driver dar gya socha ye samajh gya..
3rd ldka bola
"sale.. Dheere chalaya kr, marwa deta aaj to..!!". :-)

Teacher- kal school kyon nahi Aaye?
Student- Sir, Dirty Picture dekhne gaya
tha.
Teacher- Sharam nahi Aati kya?
.
.
.
Student- Sir, Apne hi to kaha tha k
VIDYA par Nazar rakho......:-)

WifE drinking WHISKEY,,
HuSBAND: Heyy, kya pi rhi ho .?
Wife :" TUM kaun ho?
...
Husband-Pagal ho gayi ho kya? Apne
husband ko bhool gayi?
WIFE: Nasha har gum ko bhula deta hai
"
Bhaisaab"..:D:p

Tiger: Ye saale DISCOVERY wale bahutpareshan karte hein !Monkey: Kya Hua.?
?

?

?

Tiger: arey koi privacy nahi rahi, phirkehte hain TIGER kam ho rahehai :

Boy: your teeth are like the stars

Girl: awww ... Thanks
Are they that much pretty ?

Boy: no, far away from each other.

Brilliant answers by student who got 0%

Q. In which battle did Tipu Sultan die?
A. His last battle.

Q. How do u stop acid indigestion?
A. Stop drinking acid!

Q.Where was the declaration of independence signed?
A. At the bottom of the page!

Q. What's the main reason for divorce?
A. Marriage!

Q. Ravi flows in which state?
A. Liquid state!

Q. When was Quaid e Azam born?
A. On his birthday..

Teacher:-
"Main Teri Jaan Nikal Dungi"
Iski English Kya Hogi.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
Student:- English Ki Aisi Ki Taisi,
Tu Haath To Laga Ke Dikha... V

Sochta Hu K
Ye Doulat
Ye Bangla
Ye Duniya Bhar Ke
Aisho-Aaram
Sab Chhod Ke Kahi
Chala Jau
Lekin
Fir Sochta Hun

Phle Ye Sab Mile To Sahi..

K.G. Boy: Mam may I go to toilet?
Mam: No, A to Z sunao fir jana.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMN_ _QRS_UVWX_Z.
Mam: P,O,T,Y kaha hai!!
Boy: Meri chaddi mein

22 yrs girl ne ek chote se baby ke gal par kiss kia!
Girl: Oh solly tumhare gal par libstick lag gai,
Baby: Kuch achcha karne se agar dag lagte hai toh dag accche hai.

Ek ladki ki shirt par car bani thi
Ek bachcha us shirt par bani car ko dekh raha tha
us ladki ne bacche se kaha ki kabhi car nahi dekhi kya
phir us bacche ne kaha car to dekhi hai
par ase speed breaker nahi DEKHE..!!

Dukandar se Chota Baccha:
Uncle rang gora karne wali Cream hai..
Dukandar: Haan hai..
Baccha: To saale lagata kyun nahi.
Main ROZ darr Jaata hu

Dad:Beta result kya hua ?

BETA: Headmaster ka beta
fail hua...

DAD: tumhara kya hua?

BETA:tum kounse
primeminster ho jo tumhara
beta paas hoga!!!!!!!!

Computer Vs. Hindi Films:-
1) Pentium III & Pentium I ---- Bade miyan and Chhote miyan.
2) Computer infected by Virus - Pyar to Hona hi tha.
3) Hard disk and Floppy disk- Gharwaali Baharwaali.
4)F1 - Guide.
5) Esc - Nau Do Gyarah.
6) Ctrl+Alt+Del - AkhriRastaa.
7) CrtlC + CtrlV - Duplicate.
8) Undo - Aa ab lautchale.
9) Superviser Password - Gupt.
10) BackUp - Jaagteraho.
11) UPS - Janta Hawaldar.
12) Server -Godfather.
13) Proxy Server - Padosan.
14) Security -Nakabandi.
15) Storage - Tehkhana.
16) Storage capacity -Badhti ka naam Dadhi.
17) Computer without RAM -KoraKagaz.
18) Computer whose OS is DOS - Buddha mil gaya.
19)System which frequentlyrequires bootable disk - Sharabi.
20) Dumb Terminal - Anari.
21) Mouse - Jaanwar.
22) Hard Disk partition- Batwara.
23) Hardware & Software - Ek duje ke liye.
24)Temporary file - Khote Sikkey.
25) Operator vs Computer - Main khiladi Tu Anadi.
26) NRI - Phir bhi Dil hai Hindustaani......http://9999jokes.blogspot.com/

Teacher:- yE Konsa TENSE Hai??
"India Me Corruption Khatam Ho Jayega..!"
.
!
.
!
.
!
.
!
.
!
.
Student:- "Future ImpossibLe Tense..!"

Line marne k Bahut se tarike h
Jinme se 3 Mazedar ye h

.
.
... ... .
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.......
......
...
.
..
.
,
.

.

1.Pencil se
2.Pen se
3.Marker se

Think Positive, kuch log Sharif b hote Hain...Bilkul Meri Tarah...:p

A Couple went to a wishwell...

.

.

.

.

Boy bent down,threw a coin n made a wish!!

Girl bent down a litle more & fell into the well

Boy shouted
Abbay Teri!
IT WORKS :-D‎9999jokes.blogspot.com

Bcha-school nhi jaunga?

Mom-kyo?

Bcha-job kar lunga..

mom- Nalayak beshram.....
UKG pad k kya job karega..?

Bcha-LKG ki ladkiyo ko tution padhaunga.

GF- Chand kaha hai?
BF- 2 jagah, 1upar & 1 tum.
Aftr marriag
Wife- Chand kaha hai?
Hus- Andhi ho?Wo upar kya tera baap torch le k khada hai?

English Sentences With Funny Urdu Translation :p
1 ----- Yo baby! wasup?
Arre munni! ye upar kya hai? :O

2 ----- Listen buddy, dat chick is mine~
Suno dost,wo murgi ka baccha mera hai.

3 ----- Rock d party baby
Patthar maro jashan mein, bachhi... :p

4 ----- Lets hangout!
Chalo bahar latakte hai.....

Kya fayda?

10th
12th
BA
BSC
B.TECH
B.COM
B.M.S
MBA
LLB
MBBS
CA
M.PHIL
PH.D
KARNE ka'

Jab ye hi pata na chale ki golgappe ko
english me kya kehte hai???

Santa 1st time plane par baitha:jaise hi plane ka agla tyre upar utha, santa pilot ko maarne laga.
Or bola:main pehle hi dara hua hu or tu stunt maar rah

Boy- kal se hum kahi Aur milenge
Girl- Q

Boy- Bade Zalim h teri Gali k bache
Girl- Q kya hua?
Boy- Kutte piche laga Kar kahte h

JAB PYAR KIYA TO DARNA KYA

‎1 ladke ne 1 ladki ko propose kiya ?


Ladki ne ladke ko bahut mara,
utha utha k patka..


Maar kha ke ladka utha,
kapde jhad k bola -


TO MAIN ISKA MATLAB NAA SAMJHUN?

Pati chidte huye Prabhu Mujhe Utha le
Patni Inse pehle tu mujhe Utha le
Pati Prabhu Mai apani arji Waapas leta hu tu isaki Sun9999jokes.blogspot.com

Boy-Darling Thumhara naam hath pe likhu k dil pe
Girl-Idhar Udhar Kahan likhate ho sedhe apane property ke paper pe likho‎9999jokes.blogspot.com

Best from School Times

if you have ever used Whole eraser
Without Losing it

Seriously
I salute you :D‎9999jokes.blogspot.com

Srdar-Jaldi 1 Glass Juice do ladai hone wali hai
Pine ke baad 1 Glass or do ladai hone wali hai
Juice wala-Ladai kab hogi
Sardar-Jab tu Paise mangega‎9999jokes.blogspot.com

Superb Bezzati... -_-

A girl wearing a burka was going on the road.

Boy going just behind the girl said,

"Rafta Rafta dekho aankh jis se lari hai."

Girl Replied, "Teri Aankh Jis se lari hai,
woh tere baap se bhi bari hai :O :p HaHaHaHa :D‎9999jokes.blogspot.com

Beta-PAPA aap jaise mujhe marate ho waise Dadaji bhi apko marate the kya?
PAPA-Haan bilkul
Beta-To ye Khandani kaminapan kaab tak chalegahttp://9999jokes.blogspot.com/

FACT OF GOOGLE
50% of the people use it well as a Search engine
The other 50% of the people use it to check there net is connected or nothttp://9999jokes.blogspot.com/

1 shaitan bache ne budiya k pas phtaka rkh diya
Log Chilaye
Budiya ptaka h
Budiya ptaka h
Wo Shrma kr boli Dhatt
Wo to mai Jawani me thihttp://9999jokes.blogspot.com/

Ladki apne Boyfriend ko naraz karne ke baad SMS se kaise manati hai...
1st Hour: Sorry
2nd Hour: Sorry plzz..
3rd Hour: Plzz 1 baar baat karlo.
4th Hour: Plzz reply jaan...
... 5th Hour: Plzzz itna naraz mat ho..
6th Hour: I'm sorry, I'll die agar tumne baat nahi ki..
7th Hour: Dafa ho, 100 ladke ghumte hai tere jaise.. Sar pe hi chadha jaa rha hai, bhaad me jaa.... . .
Boy: Sorry Dear, balance nahi tha...
Girl: Ohh... Its okkk love u jaan... :P :Dhttp://9999jokes.blogspot.com/

CIRCUIT : Bhai, who apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla hai, aaj raat ko dinner pe.

Mera Sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.

MUNNABHAI : Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?

CIRCUIT : Nahin Bhai, who apnay chain pechan legahttp://9999jokes.blogspot.com/

Munna bhai: Are circuit apun ko ek nurse se pyar ho gela hai, Letter mein kya likhun??

Circuit: Simple bhai, likhne ka Dear Sister… I Love You!! Tumhara Munna Bhai‎9999jokes.blogspot.com

Beti- Mummi mere Sir kitne HANDSOME hai na.! 

MOM- Beti Sir pita k samaan hote hain.

Beti- Bus bahut ho gaya Aap to hamesha Apni hi jugad me lagi rehti ho... ;p ;D9999jokes.blogspot.com

Brilliant answers by student who got 0%

Q. In which battle did Tipu Sultan die?
A. His last battle.

Q. How do u stop acid indigestion?
A. Stop drinking acid!

Q.Where was the declaration of independence signed?
A. At the bottom of the page!

Q. What's the main reason for divorce?
A. Marriage!

Q. Ravi flows in which state?
A. Liquid state!

Q. When was Quaid e Azam born?
A. On his birthday..
9999jokes.blogspot.com

A Boy was sitting in a Park behind a tree wid his GF. .

Oldman:Bete,kya ye hamari Sanskriti hai? . .

Boy:Nahi uncle,ye to Pallavi h,aap un pedon ke piche check karo :-D
9999jokes.blogspot.com

Abhishek Bachchan – Paa sWord
Amitabh Bachchan – rekha
Shahrukh Khan – ppppassword
Madhuri Dixit – 12345678910111213
Shahid Kapur – Paffword
Emraan Hashmi – Muaaaaah
Nana Patekar – Kaekopoocha
Gabbar Singh – Aakthoo!!
9999jokes.blogspot.com

One day Rajnikanth bunked school. Since then it is known as Sunday.

One night, while asleep, Rajnikanth was mumbling some random numbrs. That’s how the Log table was invented.

Rajnikanth was once told to choose three subjects when he got admission in junior college. He chose science, arts and commerce!

Chand bhi kya ajeeb cheez hai...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bachpan mein ''mamu'' Aur Jawani mein ''jaanu'' nazar aata hai :p

Hrithik tried to participate in a dance competition with Rajnikanth. Result: He is in a wheel-chair in Gujarish.

Wo aaj b muje chaaku le kr dhoond rahe ha..
.
.
.
.
Mene 1 mrtaba us se kaha tha
Dil cheer ke dekh tera hi naam hoga

A KG Boy Pulled A Girl In to His Room
.
.
Locked the Room,
Put Off the Lights,

Pulled Her to the Bed,

Covered Her Into His Bedsheet;

and Said... ?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"SEE MY RADIUM WATCH.. !!!"

Rajnikanth was practicing for a spelling test. The rough sheet he used is today known as the Oxford Dictionary!

Once Rajnikanth went for a walk and after an hour police arrested him. Because he had reached the United States without a visa.

Once upon a time Rajnikanth used a tooth powder to get strong teeth; today that powder is used as Ambuja Cement

Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.

Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo. Malika gave him 1000 Rs.

Secretary: Why did you give him 1000 Rs?

Malika: Pehli bar kisine behen kaha!

Aamir’s Mother asks Aamir – ” Beta ye aajkal Bijli ka Bill itana zyada kyu aa raha hai?? ”
Aamir replies – ” Mai kabhi batlaata nahi… Par andhere se darta hu mai Ma !!!

boy : chalti kya 9 se 12 ?

girl : chal ---- :?

boy : kahan

girl : principal k pass

boy: lo ab apni sis se mazak b ni kar skta kya

girl : bewakuf chutti magne :P

Bengali asks wife: Do I look like a foreigner ?
Wife: No.
Bengali: Look carefully, do I look like a foreigner ?
Wife again replies: No.
By now Mr Bengali was fuming.
Bengali yells: All those women in China were fools. Where ever I visited, they all said: “Look a foreigner” :P :D

Jailer: Nobody comes to meet you,
Don't you have any relative or friend?

.
.
.
.
.

Prisoner: They are also locked up in different jails..

Perfect Generation Gap !
Aamir Khan: Papa kehte hai bada naam karega…
Imran Khan: Daddy Mujhse Bola tu galti hai meri!!

Dum maro Dum

Aaj Poke Kar raha hai, kal friend request bechega,

Aaj ‘Like’ kar raha hai, kal ‘Comment’ karega,

Aaj photo ‘tag’ kar raha hai. kal photo keechega,

Kheechega ki nahinn!

Rajinikanth’s Theory of light funda

Throw a beam of torch light on your mirror with refractive index 100 at an angle of 17.63 degrees. The reflected beam hits the ceiling and then further hits the wall before striking the cigar. The reflected light, due to high air friction and friction at the wall gets converted into heat which in turn gets converted into firein 0.001256 micro seconds. This gets converted into fire and you can smoke the cigar with light ( delight ).

Basanti : Bhag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai.

Dhanno : Tujhe apni padi hai meri soch jiske peeche GABBAR ke 10 ghode pade hai.

After finishing MBBS, Dr Munna Bhai starts his practice.
He checked his first patient`s eyes, tongue & ears by torch & finally what did he say?
`The battery is OK`.

2 Machchr bate kr rhe the
1St Me Dr Banunga
2nd Me Engineer Banuga
Itane me Aunty Ne Mortin jla di
Machr Bole Sali Ne Pura Career Khrab Kr Diya

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Teacher-Kya tum Bata sakate Ho ki janwaron ki Ankhe Tej hoti hai
Isaka Praman kya hai
Chikku-Kisi Bhi Janwar ko aaj tak Chasma lagte nahi dhekh

Height Of Facebook Update!

SuhagRaat h Ghunghat Utha Rha Hu Me

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Plz Keep Updating.

Golu- Express kitane Baje hai
TT- 9 baje
Golu- Local
TT- 1 baje
Golu- Male
TT- 12 Baje
lekin thunhe jana kaha hai
Golu- Patari paar tatti karane

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