What would happen if women ruled the world?
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There would be no wars.
Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other... :D

I Told My Dad That I Want a Blackberry Or an Apple..
He Replied-
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Aam Ka Season Hai Beta.. Aam Kha, Aam

I'm desperately trying to find out who r these 4 people so interested in my life.. ?
As
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Parents keep sayin"Chaar LOG dekenge toh kya bolenge"

Shaadi me ek SMART ladka ek ladki se: Aap dance karogi..?
Ladki sharma ke boli: Yes ...
Ladka pyaar se:
Toh fir aapki kursi main le jaaun??.

Zindagi Ki Race Me Agar Sab Se First Aana Chahte Ho To..
Uska Ek Hi Secret Hai..
Kisi Ko Batana Mat Plz,
Akele Bhago

Patni- Tumhe Kuch Yaad Bhi Rehta Hai..
..Aaj Humari 'WEDDING ANNIVERSARY' Hai
Pati- Oh, Mai To Bhul Hi Gaya Tha..
..Aao 2 Minute Ka Maun Rakhe

Nokia Connecting people

Wikipedia I know evrythng
Google I have evrythng
Facebook I know evrybody
Internet Without me U all were nthng
Electricity BAS BAS AWAAZZ NEECHEY

Height of insult-
Professor to a student in classroom- hey  wake up ur neighbnur
Student- tune sulaya hai to tu hi utha de...
Student rocks..

Bhaut Samay phale ki baat hai
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Isiliye yaad nahi hai

Jungle me sapera been liye baitha tha
wah wah
Jungle me sapera been liye baitha tha
Saap aur b kamina tha,
Wo earphone lagaye baitha tha.. :-P :D

Baap- Tumne Apni Mummy Se Unchi Aawaz Me Baat Ki.?
Beta- Mujhe Pata Hai Ki
Apko Jalan Ho Rahi Hai..
..Kyo Ki Aap Aisa Nahi Kar Sakte

Santa Kangal Hone Par Biwi Se Bola-
'Tum Bacho Ko Nani Ke Yaha Bhej Do
Tum Apni Maa Ke Pass Chali Jao
Mera Kya Hai,
Mai Sasural Chala Jaunga'

ek Ladki ka dil sahi mayno me kab toot'ta hai
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Jab vo apne jaise Print ka suit Mohalle ki 2ri Ladki ko pehne dekhti hai...

Teacher: Paani me Rehne wale 5 janwaroon k naam btao.??

Baby Student: Mendak..

Teacher: 4 aur btao
...
Baby Student: Mendak ki Mummy, Mendak k Papa,

Mendak ki Behan Aur Mendak ki Item.. ;) :D :D

Boy-I Luv U
Girl-Bt I Luv Sm1 Else
B-OK No Problm,Ur Hapines Is More Imp 4 Me Than Ur Luv
Moral-
Jaha Kuch Nahi Kr Skte Waha Ache Dialog De Do

This Diwali I wish you get a lot of crackers but
you don't get fire to light them.

Aapko miss karna roz ki baat hai,
Yaad karna aadat ki baat hai,
Aap se duur rehna kismat ki baat hai,
Magar aap ko jhelna himmat ki baat hai..

Love Story

Wo boht haseen thi mujhe boht pyari lagti thi, Last friday main us k ghar gaya wo darwazay pr aai
Main usay daikh raha tha
Us nay bhi mujhay daikha, wo qarib aai to mainay himat ki Or aahista se kaha CHANDA

Wo muskurai main khush ho ghaya.
Wo andr gai aur Phir wapis aai. us ne 100 rupay meray hath pe rakh diye,
Mainay herat se pucha Ye kya?

Wo boli , Chanda.

A Touching Story
A Little Boy Saw A Puppy.
He Went Near It & Touched
It... Again He Touched It...
Again He Touched It.
Oh! What A Touching Story

20 million sales of idea connection
increased only by a spelling mistake
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The mistake was....
''An Idea Can Change Your WIFE."

1 Bhikhari Ko Lottry lagi to Us ne Mandir banwaya
2nd-Tune Mandir Q banwaya?
Bhikhari-Iske Saamne ab Main Akele hi Bheek manguga.
Solid investment

Laloo sent his BioData 2 apply 4 a post in Microsoft USA. Few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements.
Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks
Bill Gates

Laloo prasad jumped wid joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference-

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogi ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayi hai."
Every1 was delighted. He continued"Ab hum aap sab ko apna appointment Letter padhkar sunaungaa ? par letter angrezi mein hai isliye saath-saath Hindi main translate bhi karunga."

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad - Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiya
You do not meet - Aap to milte hi nahin ho
our requirement - Humko to zarurat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence - Ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zarurat nahin
No phone call - Phoonwa ka bhi zarurat nahin hai
shall be entertained - Bahut khaatir ki jayegi
Thanks - Aapka bahut dhanyavad

Bill Gates - Tohar Bilva

Painfull Line Said By a Girl To Her BoyFriend After BreakUp..
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Hey Bhagwan..
Aab Mera Kharcha Kaun Uthayega

Why is FaceboOk such a hit?
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It wOrks on the principle that-

''PeOple are mOre interested in Others life than their Own''

?1 Larkay Ne 1 Larki K0 Purpose
Kiya Through Msg

Larki Ne 2 Din Mein Us Se Shaadi
Karli, Yeh S0ch Kar K K0i Itna Sara
Pyar Kesey Kar Skta Hai!

Socho Larkay Ne Kia Likha H0ga
Msg Mein

I Love U Itna

"B.Com" Ka Syllabus Hai Jitna... ;->

2Mchr Bate Kr Rhe The
1st Bola-Mai Dctr Bnuga.
2ndBola-Main Engineer Bnuga
Itne Me Aunt Ne MoRTIN Jla Di.
Mchr Bole Sali Ne Career Khrb KrDiya

Doctor: Bachey ko paani dene se pehle ubaal lena chahiye.
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SANTA: woh to theek hai ji per ubalney se bacha mar to nahi jayega..??

Ek Sharabi 'Vivah' Film Dekh Kar Ghar Aaya Aur Biwi Se Bola-
'Tujhe Pi Kar Me Dekhu, Mujhe Hak Hai..
..Tu Bhi Piti Hai Daru, Mujhe Shak Hai'

1 Larkay Ne 1 Larki K0 Purpose
Kiya Through Msg

Larki Ne 2 Din Mein Us Se Shaadi
Karli, Yeh S0ch Kar K K0i Itna Sara
Pyar Kesey Kar Skta Hai!

Socho Larkay Ne Kia Likha H0ga
Msg Mein

I Love U Itna
"B.Com" Ka Syllabus Hai Jitna... ;->

Auto Me Couple Romance Kr Rahe The
AutoWala Dekh Raha Tha
Aage Ja K Auto Pol Se Takraya
AutoWale Ne Sar Patak K Bola-
Ab Samja Titanic Q Dubi

Shakespeare once said:
"I'm going to washroom!!"
Tum kya samjhay? :P
Oye yarr Shakespeare aam batein b krta tha
Hr time quotes nai marta tha! :D

Zor se chali hawa udd gaya kutta
Wah wah
Zor se chali hawa,
... udd gaya kutta
Phir
Phir kya?
Ruk gayi hawa
Or
gir gaya kutta
Common sense yaar

Best quote of advertisment
written in front of a famous
beauty parlour
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here
She might b ur grand mother

Jab Koi SMS Nahi Krta
Tab Itna Gussa Aata Hai
Dil To Chahta Hai Ki Chappal Utar Kar
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Aaram Se Baith Jau Aur Sochu, Balance Hi Nahi Hoga

2 commrce studnts
X-oh sry yaar heard abt ur breakup
Y-yup
X-u mst b sad na
Y-no yaar v r commrce stdnts
I hv kept 1 gf as reserve 4doubtful debts

Patni- Tum Abhi Dinnar Karna Chahte Ho
Pati- Ha.. Ha, Lekin Ye To Batao Khane Ki Chezo Me Choice Kya Kya Hai
Patni- Sirf 2 Choice,
'Ha' Ya 'Na'

Teacher: What's ur name?
Student: My name is Nageshwar  laxman yakkundi.
Teacher: It's too long. Make it short & sweet
Student:
"na_la_yak"!! :-P

Jab Wo GirlFriend Thi
Mai Bolta Tha Wo Sunti Thi
Mangetar Bani
Wo Bolti, Mai Sunta Tha
Jab Se Biwi Bani
Hum Dono Bolte Hai, Mohalla Sunta Hai

Sweet flirt :-
Boy: Why havent u had a boyfrnd yet ?
Girl: M nt allowd to hav a bf, y dnt u hv a girlfrnd ?
Boy: cz u r nt alwd 2 hv a boyfrnd yet

Snta-Dr Ne Kaha Tha K TV Cabel Se Bache Kharab Hote Hai Aur Padhai B Nai Krte, Maine Cabel Katwa Dia
Btna-Good
S-Ab Maine Dish TV Laga Liya Hai

Sonu Bache Ki Report Lene Hospital Gya
Report Bohat Kharab Thi
Wo Bache Se Bola- Oy School Te School
Tenu Ethey B Meri Izat Da Koi Kheyal Nahi

KID: Mom, Did you see me before I was born?
Mom: No, I didn't.
Kid: Then after I was born how did you know its me?

Boy Ask a Girl- VIDAI K Time Ladki Q Roti Hai
Girl- Agar Tujhe Pata Chale Ki Ghar Se Dur Le Ja K Koi
Tujse Bartan Manjvayega To Tu Kya Nachega

Government says.
Educate a girl & she ll educate four people in a home
But while she is studying in a college fifty boys get failed.
What to do?

Teachar-Agar koi school k samne Bomb Rakh deta h to kya kroge
Stu-1-2 ghante dekhenge
Agar koi le jata h to theek h Warna Staff Room me rkh denge

Santa Got Call From a News Channel..

They Asked Him- 'Kya Aap Anna Hazare Ke Saath Hai'

Santa Said- 'Nahi Abhi Movie Dekhne Aya Hu'

A drunk man
arrives late at home.
He knows his wife won't open
the door, so he decides to
pretend he bought her flowers&
knocks at the door...
Wife: Who is it ?
Drunk: I bring flowers for the
pretty lady...
Wife opens the door&says:
Where are the flowers?
Drunk: Where is the pretty
lady ? :P :P

Patni-Jante Ho, Maine 20 Somwar K Upwas Kiye Tab Ja Kr Tumhe Paya Hai
Pati-Ye Sab Nahi Krti To Kya Hota
Patni-Tumse Bhi Koi Gaya Guzra Milta

Americans fart and say---excuse me!
:) Britishers fart and say---pardon me!
:) Japanese fart and say-forgive me!
N
:) Indians fart and say--not me

A girl was crying bitterly.

Mom: What happened dear?

Daughter: Mom do i look like a wicked witch?
...
Mom: No!

Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad?

Mom: No!

Daughter: Is my nose flat?

Mom: No baby!

Daughter: Am i fat like a bulldog?

Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a barbie doll!

Daughter: Then why people tell me that you look like your mom

Girl - Wat r u doin?
Boy-I ws doin a job wid TIMEs OF INDIA bt nw I left!
Girl-O God y?
Boy-kaun saala subah subah uthe aur paper daalne jaaye

1 Baar Aadmi kO

Raste mE Patthar Mila

UspE Likha Tha

Patthar kO Palat Lo

Kuch Ban Joge

Jaise Hi Usne Palta

Dusri Taraf Likha Tha

ULLU Ban Gaya

Which 3 Letters Can Change a Girl Into a Women.?
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Think..
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Think Hard..
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AGE....!!!

Snta-meri biwi bahut kharchili he
Jb B dekho 100/,200/ rs mangti rehti he
Bnta-wo un paiso ka krti kya He
S-Kya pata maine kbi diye hi nai..

Chehre pe hai smile,
ankho mein hai tear
Chehre pe hai smile
ankho me hai tear
objects in convex mirror r closer than they appear.

1 Baar Engineering k Sbhi Profesrs Ko 1 Plane Me Bithaya Gya.
Fir Announce Kiya Gya Ki-
"YE PLANE APKE STUDENTS NE BNAYA H"
Sb Profesrs Utr Gye
Pr Principls Bethe Rahe...
Logo Ne Pucha-
Apko Drr Nahi Lagta?
Principle-
"Mujhe Apne Studnts Pr Pura Bharosa Hai.
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Start Hi Nahi Hoga..

Jis chehre ko dekh kar haste the hum....
Aaj usine Rula diya!!!
Unhone to phone kiya nai, Humne kiya to....
Caller tune tha
Tujhe Bhula Diya

Nurse To Patient With Bleeding Head- Ur Name
Patient- Santa
Nurse- Birth Date
Patient- 28/Feb/85
Nurse- Married
Patient- No, Car Accident..

CLASSIC INSULT-
Girl To Her BF- Mai Abhi Abhi Beauty Parlour Se Aa Rahi Hu..
Boy- Arre..
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Aaj Bhi Bandh Tha Kya

Snta-What's D Difference Between Mother's & GF's Tears?
Classic Answer By Banta-
Mother's Tears Effect Our HEART & GF's Tears Effect Our POCKET.

Whats the best way to take revenge...??
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Filling a person's shampoo bottle wth veet..!!:-D

1 Car ki nilami ho rhi thi 1lakh,2la,3la
GOLU shocked-Is khatare me aisa kya h
Seler-Iske 10 acidnts hue h & hr bar sirf Bv mari h
GOLU:8 Lakh..

Teacher: What's ur name?
Student: My name is Nageshwar  laxman yakkundi.
Teacher: It's too long. Make it short & sweet
Student:
"na_la_yak"!! :-P

Biwi (Gusse Me) Pati Se-

Jab Dekho Jeb Me Sharab Ki Bottal Rakhe Rehte Ho
Pati (Pyar Se)-
To Tu Kya Chahti Hai,
Har Samay Hotho Se Lagaye Rakhu

Beta-Car Ki Chabi Do, College Me Function H


Dad-Car Q
B-5 Lakh Ki Car Me Jaunga To Rob Pdega
D-Ye Le 5/, 25 Lakh Ki Bus Me Ja, Zyada Rob Pdega

Wife- mai Driver ko
Naukari se nikaal rahi hu,
Kyuki aaj mai dusri baar marte marte bachi hu..
Husband- Please yaar,
Use ek mauka to aur do

Sadhu- Kuch Daan Karo Beta
Santa- Ye Lo 5/-Rs
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Sadhu (Khush Ho Kar)- Mang Beta Kya Mangta Hai
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Santa- Babaji, Mere 5/-Rs Wapas De Do

Madam-Itne Din Se Kaha Tha
Student-Bird Flu Tha
M-Par Ye To Birds Ko Hota Hai
S-Apne Mujhe Insan Samjha Hi Kaha Hai, Roz To Murga Bana Deti Ho

Dog1:Mai is Area me naya hu
mujhe yahan k kutto k Boss se milna hai.
Dog2:shh..Chup! Awaz mat karo boss msg padh raha hai.!
Padho ye msg padho

I saw a dream last nit
Only U & me Sitting 2gether
U were luking at me continuously
Bcoz
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I was Eating Maggi & U were saying
"1 Chammach de do"

Ma-Q ro rahe ho
Santa-Sir ne mara
Ma-Q
Santa-wo Banta ko dant rahe the to maine use misal di dar mat JO KUTTE BHONKATE H WO KAT TE NAHI

Mr.See and Mr.Saw
One day Mr.See Saw sea & Mr.Saw didnt see sea. See Saw & jumped in sea Saw didnt see sea but jumped in sea. See saw saw in sea & saw saw see in sea. See saw both saw sea and both Saw and See were happy to see sea..
Dimag Kharab hua ab Share kar ke Sabka dimag kharab karo

Kid (phone par): Madam, mera beta aaj school nahi aayega?
Madam: Aap kaon bol rahe ho?
Funny kid: Mere papa bol rahe hai.

Economical thought:
The best line which helps to save money when going on dinner with your GF.
Bol kya khaayegi Moti? ;-)

One of da sweetst lines said in LOVE.
"Mai kho gaya tmhare pyaar me, tum bhi kho jao"
English translation-
"I m in ur luv, U ALSO GET LOST"

People SMOKE & DRINK for few day & get addicted Look at me I m STUDYING since CHILDHOOD bt not yet ADDICTED to STUDIES Dis is called SELF CONTROL

Nurse- Udas Kyu bethe Ho sir
Doctor- Dopahar ko jiska Operation kiya Tha woh Mar gaya
Nurse- Sir, Woh operation nahi POSTMORTAM tha

Santa ne Beti ke Room me cigrette Dekha..
Oh God, She Smokes
Wisky Dhekha..
Oh God, She Drinks
Fir Ladke ko Dekha..
Thank God, Ye sab iska hai

Type of Proposal
1-I love u
2-I want to Spend my rest of life wid u
3-Will u Marry me?
Bt the latest & favourite 1 now
wanna be my Chammak Challo

Santa's Son Was filling a form..
Son- Papa, Mother toungue me kya likhu?
Santa- Likh de Very Long and Uncontrolable

Why did Santa fall out the window?
Ans: He was ironing the curtain.

Blackmailing in recession
Employee: Agar aapane meri Salary Nahi Badhai to main sare Office ko Bata dunga ki Aapane meri Salary Badha di hai!!!

Interviewer: Imagine, in a Closed room howcan you escape if it caught fire?
Santa: Simple,
Stop imagining.........

Sir Y r u fighting
Santa This fool left the answer sheet blank
Sir So what?
Santa Even I did the same think now teacher will think we both copied

1 deewar par likha tha
'Yaha kutte SUSU karate Hai'
Santa ne waha SUSU kia, Fir Haas ke Bola
Ise kehate Hi Dimag SUSU maine kia naam kutte ka Aaya

Gr8 lines by Me:
Relatives who don't wish me HAPPY B'DAY on my birthday have no right to contact me


on my RESUL DAY

Father hey Son! why is your mother sitting so silent today?
Son nothing Dad She asked for lipstick and i heard GLUE STICK
Father God bless u Son

Boyfriend:
Mujhe Maaf Kar Do Maine Tumse Chupaya.Meri Mangni Ho Chuki Hai

Girlfriend:

Aray Koi Baat Nahi Chalo ao Aaj Main Tumhe Apne Bachon Se Milwati Hun.

1st Woman: How Your Husband Come Exactly on Time???
2nd Woman: I Made a Rule
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Romance Will Start Sharp at 9 With You or Without you

Teri Khamoshi or udasi ki wajah hum samajh na sake ae dost
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Wo to sham ko teri mummy ne bataya k aj teri chapal se pitai hui hai

Best Error message of the century......!!!!
An Error shown by a computer :
No Keyboard Connected !!
press F1 to continue..!!

Daku Bank Lutne gye
Gun Ghar me bhul gye
Fir b bank lut liya
Kese
Bank Manager
SANTA tha, Bola koi baat nai I Trust u, Gun mujhe kal Dhikha dena

Ek paagal Aadmi ne dusare paagal ko phone kar ke kya poocha..?

?

?
Socho Socho..
?

Abe.. Tera phone Number kya hai?

Duniya buri ho sakati hai Tum nahi

Log bure ho sakate hai Tum nahi

Duniya bewaffa ho sakati hai Tum nahi

Pagal theek ho sakate hai....? Tum nahi

Britisher=Why All U Indians R in different colours? Look We all r White!
Abdul Kalam=HORSES
r in Differnt colours
But DONKEYS
r all d same!!